No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
