i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
