Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize