I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
