I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
