Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
