The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
