Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
