Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
