Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
