I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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