how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
