We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
