At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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