As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
pop tarts are not kleenex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
