Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
