you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
