Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
vagina is talking i cant
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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