did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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