she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
