none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
