I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
