Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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