you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
