if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize