I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize