stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
