I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
