God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize