hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
