I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
