Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
