so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
