note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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