In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
