He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize