I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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