i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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