dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
