Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
