life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
