god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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