Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
