yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
