The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
