I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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