Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
