listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
