When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this boner is exhausting
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize