Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
