i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
