I bet he comes in French.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
