but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
