The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
