He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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