I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have aggressive nipples.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
