I just made out with a guy for $7.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
