can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
