..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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