Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
