do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
